Struggle

Struggle.

That pretty much sums up how I feel.  I am struggling to lose weight.  I struggle daily with Aria and her defiant attitude.  I struggle to figure out what to make for super. I struggle to be content.  I struggle with past failures. And now, I am struggling with what to do for a job.

I will be losing my job on or before December 16.  My boss will not approve my leave request for Christmas so that we can drive home to Kansas.  I work a retail job and the holidays are a busy time.  I get that.  But I am also the bookkeeper and therefore the last person that should help anyone trying to order flowers due to my lack of experience with flowers.  (Yes, I have worked there nearly 3 years and should have some clue by now, but I really don't.)  I could also understand the need for my presence if other people weren't called in to help answer the phones and such - but there are people that are called in.  Again, no need for me.

I was also told that I needed to start working 40 hours a week beginning in January.  I left my job at the turf place to go work at the flower shop in the first place because NET wanted me full-time and I was only looking for part-time so I could stay home at least some with my daughter and now daughters.  Yes - I screwed up big time years ago and that is why I am even in the situation where I have to work in the first place.  But I don't think I should mess things up further by working full time and leaving my kids in someone else's hands 40+hrs a week.

If I could just turn back time and do things differently, things would be so much better right now...