Thursday, January 16, 2014

More Loss

It has been exactly one year since I posted on here.  It seems that this blog is a bit of a morgue because what I have to share today isn't happy news either.

Exactly one week ago today, Brady died.  She died right here in our living room at 5:32 that morning.  I won't go into details because I am hoping some day I forget the sounds and sights of that horrible morning, but I do remember the time.  She had eaten her dinner the Saturday before and everything seemed normal.  Then when we got up on Sunday, Grant had found the entire contents of what she had eaten on the floor by the door.  Her puking was nothing new - she had done it quite a few times - so I didn't think much of it.  When we got home from church, I took her and Kodi outside and we played ball and I brushed them both.  Again - she was acting "normal".  That night she refused to eat her food, but I just chalked it up to her being a little leery since she had puked everything from the day before.  On Monday, she seemed okay before we left for Lewiston and by the time we came back, she still seemed the same.  As the day went on, she seemed to get worse.  The weather outside that day was horrible, so the dogs didn't want to spend much time out there anyway.  Brady would go outside and stay though, so that concerned me.  On Tuesday morning, I could see a major difference in her.  She was laying in the hallway shivering and shaking even though it was quite warm in our house and the floors are where the heat comes from.  I just sat and held her and cried.  That day, she still attacked the vacuum but that is about all of the energy I saw from her.  She did drink some chicken broth and a few licks of cottage cheese, but that was all.  By Wednesday, I knew the end was inevitable.  She was so skinny by now from refusing food.  She refused to go outside all morning and then after lunch she finally went outside and sat in the below freezing temps until I went and carried her back in.  I used a dropper to get water into her, but she would just violently throw it back up.  It was sooooo hard to watch my little friend go through this.  Grant said her last night (Wednesday) was rough and he cleaned up most of it before I got up.  Then she was gone.  :-(

We couldn't afford to take her to the vet.  I felt (and still feel) like a horrible parent for not being able to do that for her.  I kept asking God to take her peacefully and quickly, but he didn't.  I don't know why this all had to happen and why it had to happen this way.  She was the best dog I have ever owned.  She was always there to comfort me when I was sad or having a bad day.  Her noises haunt this house and even with 2 kids, 2 large dogs and one fat cat, this house seems very quiet. 

I posted what is essentially her obituary on the Corgi Dogs Facebook page and I am blown away by all the perfect strangers that took the time to give their condolences.  The average life span of a Corgi is 12-14 years.  Brady was 11.5.  I feel shorted.

I miss you, Brady.

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